It's not about good angels and bad angels

Sometimes I wonder if making the sensible choice is always so sensible after all.

I’ve been thinking a little bit about sensibility and being sensible. I am now in week 6 of The Artist’s Way. Week 6 is about recovering a sense of abundance — a little bit about money and where we put our energy and all that stuff.

In the book the author says, “Creativity is not and never has been sensible. Why should it be? Why should you be? Do you still think there’s some moral virtue in being martyred? If you want to make some art, make some art.” 

This really resonates with me because I have struggled a bit with sensibility and being sensible in my life, because there’s a part of me that’s incredibly sensible that wants to be sensible, that wants to make the good choice. And there’s another part of me that is the creative part of me that wants to be bold, that wants to try new things, that wants to explore and be open-minded and all that stuff. 

And the sensible me and the creative me seem like they are in struggle. I don’t think they’re opposite. As I sit here and think about it, I don’t see them as you have the bad angel and the good angel on each shoulder kind of thing. It’s not like that. I’m reminded of that, but it’s not exactly like that. It’s not a good versus evil thing, but it’s an energetic tug-of-war, or a conflict of some sort. If I think about it, there is some thing about being sensible.

I was listening to the JFDI Cast by Mills the other day. He was talking about being sensible and how it’s not sensible to be sensible. And I’ve felt that a lot in my life. Sometimes I’ll make the sensible choice and then it turns out to just be a bad choice because it’s not true to me, it’s not true to what I want, it’s not true to my heart, it’s not true to my gut.

Sometimes being sensible is about making my decisions with my head only. You know, like making the list, and looking at the list and trying to disregard feelings that I have, trying to disregard truths that I feel.

And this has played into me hesitating from really embracing my life as an artist prior to this moment. I think as I get older I do realise for sure, the sensible choice is not always sensible.